by Bipad Panumas Tongsakul

Hi-Light:

• For human, the more money, the more time and the more power we have, but the inside we have not been developed. The richer and the more famous, it can be easier to do bad things and the wider the negative consequences.
• Inspirational words that say “follow the sound of your heart” has a cautious. You must think carefully before following it. Maybe it is the latest sound of the badness, the weakness, the angriness, and the laziness.

Many years ago, Fate chose me for the Jackpot winning award.

The popularity of the people in my writing. bring money and reputation.
It made the thirties man like me feel that I won in the game of life. It's a reward to celebrate and I do not have to worry about earning for living anymore. I can do whatever I want because it’s a true freedom

But when I did all I wanted. I felt I was wrong.
 

I grew up in a moderate family and my family still has debts. The voice that talked often in my mind when I was an employee was “We have just one life. Why spend valuable time to serve other people's dreams.” To follow our own dream can be tried but it must be less tried than follow other people dream for sure! A life that we can do as we wish is really valuable.

I just slowly followed my heart until one day I found that it took me to a long way. I loved the sound of my heart so much and thankful for it that it took me to the freedom life. Let me start the lifestyle that I dreamed and did all I wanted. I could rest and did what I liked as much as I can with no limit.

While I was enjoying with my life and spending time and my luck without thinking about anything, what I found was I was not happy as I thought I would. And one day after I lived like that for many years, I found that to live like that made me sick.

If I sick physically, I can go to the hospital. But in that time, I had a symptom that hospital could not cure because I have me toxic mind. 

Since I was young, I had a bad temper and very emotional. All this feeling made a loud noise in my head and they were also good for my creative work. Because I could pass this feeling to my readers with passion. Moreover, one day my work that illustrated my thought received a compliment and created money and reputation. I felt stronger with these feelings that I had and believed that they were so valuable that I must believe all they sent out.
 

The problem occurred when I did not use them just for my work but all those strong feelings showed in my daily life. Many times, I showed bad behavior. From outside, seem like I have a good temper but inside no one known that bad storm was rolling in my heart. I was angry and needed revenge and tried to do everything to get back from someone who made me mad. The degree was stronger and stronger all the time. But the worst was sometimes I became a disgusting person for people who close to me. When I felt bad or felt annoyed I talked and did badly with my family.
 

Sometimes they cried. When that passed I just realized that I should have not done like that, but I could help stop myself. It got worse and worse.